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Author Topic: (V)onkey Business and Diapers  (Read 13979 times)

Spectro

(V)onkey Business and Diapers
« on: October 29, 2007, 04:47:48 am »





So nowadays it seems there's a direct correlation between (V)'s growing pwnage and the number of no ob-monkeys (n-o-o-b, not n-e-w-b) who want to join. Of course (V) has never not pwned, but what I mean by "(V)'s growing pwnage" is that we're finally in a maturity stage called resilience. It's the point of no possible destruction. We're as ****ing rock solid as Bart's logger after visiting cartoonsex.com. And for those of you who don't know Bart, that's pretty damn solid. Think of our history as a graph, we start out great, then some key players leave and we hit a downer. But, despite all the tipsy topsy problems, we still somehow survive. Since then, all of us have stuck together real tight and fused into this entity that's way beyond the label of a 'clan' and in doing so, hit the pwn limit.

Diagram 1a:


Don't take it like I'm saying we're better than everyone and blahblah. We're just different as a team and a clan in a very very orgasmic.. I mean good.. way. Which is why it makes zero sense why some of these little n oob-monkey buggers think just posting a thread and PMing a member will get them in our atomic-pwnage-fused establishment. That's like knocking on the side of a ****ing redwood and asking to come in. What do you think's gonna happen dude, it's a rock ****ing solid tree. A door will magically spawn? You'd have much better luck winning the lottery.

But Spectro!! Does that mean I can never ever be in (V)?? Am I doomed to face eternity outside of the trusted arms of (V)?!
          The answer:
                No.Yum, purple.


The problem most n oobsicles run into when attempting to join a clan is that they're too stupid. No really, they're just too damn ignorant of how things work. They're still little LX babies, and haven't explored how things work. And you know what? They probably won't until somebody holds their hand, spells things out to them, and changes their diaper daily. Some people don't have time for feeding the baby. Some people like myself would rather teach the baby how to fish or something so he could get his own damn food.

The typical newbie, however, is a whole different story. A newbie is a baby who just wants to learn and seeks out people to teach them what they can't figure out themselves (which won't be a lot if they're smart cookies). The newbie will read forums, ask questions that haven't already been answered, and satisfy their inquisition by themselves with resources they've found. These are the kind of people who have a much better chance of getting in a clan. The smarter the little baby, and the less diapers we have to change, the more likely you can make it into a bigger clan like, oh say, (V).


So with no further a due, Spectro shall now spell out only this once EXACTLY what it takes to join (V) using complicated mathematic formulas and shit:

P(membership) = Possibility of becoming a (V) member
I = Intelligence of a prospective member [1-20]
Ma = Maturity and public composure of a prospective member [1-20]
T = Technological capability of a prospective member (can figure out how to use a forum board and use the damn edit button) [1-20]
Pwn = Amount of pwnage player achieves based on # of fair victories made in (V) servers (2 points awarded per win in Spectro's server) [1-20]
E = Entertainment factor provided by a prospective member in the form of wit and good jokes [1-20]
N = Number of mods/settings a prospective member shows exceptional abilities in [1-10]
S = Style points accredited to the player by a current (V) member(s) while in game [1-10]
A = Online activity and availability on an instant messenger or forum board by days on average [1-7]
Sx = Sexuality of a prospective member [If you're straight, divide by 40. If you're g ay, divide by 9999. If you're lesbian, divide by -4000]

P(membership) must be greater than or equal to 50 to submit for membership when:

P(membership) = ((I^2)+(Ma^2)+(T^2)+(E^2)+(Pwn^2)+(S*50)+(N*100)+((A+3)*50))/(Sx)

Yeah, that took a really really really long time to do. So once a poor soul manages to get his or her probability up to 50 or more, THEN you may make a new topic on our boards asking to be a member. No exceptions, since I'm a sadistic bastard and absolutely won't hesitate to intimidate a kid with a shitload of numbers. Honestly though, if you really go as far as to solve your own membership probability and the numbers are agreeable + above 50, major kudos go out to you.


And thats how the cookie crumbles.

« Last Edit: January 06, 2008, 05:53:59 am by Spectro »
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Purplehaze

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 05:31:28 am »


That equation is epic. We're using that from now on for new members.
Logged

Ahmed

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 05:36:33 am »
Of course (V) has never not pwned


three expression I did when I read that... ??? ::) :D. No offense :p
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Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 06:12:04 am »
Of course (V) has never not pwned


three expression I did when I read that... ??? ::) :D. No offense :p

Doesn't mean we pwned harder than everyone else all the time. But thanks for that anyway..

You're an asshole. No offense :p:p
« Last Edit: October 29, 2007, 06:17:21 am by Spectro »
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Kunoichi

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2007, 06:17:46 am »
Hahahaha, nice pic Spectro. Can't stop laughing.
Logged

Ahmed

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2007, 06:25:44 am »
Of course (V) has never not pwned


three expression I did when I read that... ??? ::) :D. No offense :p

Doesn't mean we pwned harder than everyone else all the time. But thanks for that anyway..

You're an asshole. No offense :p:p

I'm an asshole, because I don't think you pwn? Well consider me that then :).
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Asrack

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2007, 06:46:07 am »
If you look at the stats, the comment wasn't needed in the first place.
Logged

Oxygen

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2007, 08:38:47 am »
I may not be a member of (V), but damn spectro, cn 1 j01n?!?!? OMGWASH!! LULL LULL LULL JJJJJ!!!

Quote
Some people don't have time for feeding the baby. Some people like myself would rather teach the baby how to fish or something so he could get his own damn food.
Or mine version. Give a man matches to light a fire and he's warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Spectro, amen brutha! I knew there was a reason I have erotic dreams about you.

Yes this post really was'nt at all fundemental, but damn you can't go past a topic like this and not post.
Logged

SteelSide

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2007, 09:12:02 am »
I'm a lesbian dude. Can i join plis?
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Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2007, 12:50:52 pm »
Wow! Golden equation  :). We definitely are going to use that now =D. Sexy post too.
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Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2007, 11:36:29 pm »
I'm a lesbian dude. Can i join plis?

Picture proof first.

Wander

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2007, 02:38:44 pm »
So with no further a due, Spectro shall now spell out only this once EXACTLY what it takes to join (V) using complicated mathematic formulas and shit:

P(membership) = Possibility of becoming a (V) member
I = Intelligence of a prospective member [1-20]
Ma = Maturity and public composure of a prospective member [1-20]
T = Technological capability of a prospective member (can figure out how to use a forum board and use the damn edit button) [1-20]
Pwn = Amount of pwnage player achieves based on # of fair victories made in (V) servers (2 points awarded per win in Spectro's server) [1-20]
E = Entertainment factor provided by a prospective member in the form of wit and good jokes [1-20]
N = Number of mods/settings a prospective member shows exceptional abilities in [1-10]
S = Style points accredited to the player by a current (V) member(s) while in game [1-10]
A = Online activity and availability on an instant messenger or forum board by days on average [1-7]
Sx = Sexuality of a prospective member [If you're straight, divide by 40. If you're straight, divide by 9999. If you're lesbian, divide by -4000]

P(membership) must be greater than or equal to 50 to submit for membership when:

P(membership) = ((I^2)+(Ma^2)+(T^2)+(E^2)+(Pwn^2)+(S*50)+(N*100)+((A+3)*50))/(Sx)

Yeah, that took a really really really long time to do. So once a poor soul manages to get his or her probability up to 50 or more, THEN you may make a new topic on our boards asking to be a member. No exceptions, since I'm a sadistic bastard and absolutely won't hesitate to intimidate a kid with a shitload of numbers. Honestly though, if you really go as far as to solve your own membership probability and the numbers are agreeable + above 50, major kudos go out to you.

I = 18 ;D
Ma = 18 ;D
T = 15 :D
Pwn = I can remember 6.. :(
E = 10
N = 5
S = 1  :'(
A = 7 ;D
Sx = 40 ;)

P(membership) = ((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40) = 77.95   > 50




Will be looking forward to my major kudos.

Purplehaze

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2007, 03:04:11 pm »
Nice Wander! Here you go:

Feel free to make your "I wanna join (V) plz" thread.  :)
Logged

Wander

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2007, 03:26:42 pm »
Thanks, yummy :)

At the moment im too lazy to press the "New thread" button. If anyone is interested in buying my rights to make one, any proper* bid will do. :)






*1E10 Credits minimum

>--Faisal-->

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2007, 10:20:00 pm »
that was awesome.

This clan is so cool. I frame my invitation. Thanks.

« Last Edit: November 01, 2007, 10:32:12 pm by >--Faisal--> »
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sharsh

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Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2007, 10:34:01 pm »
why didnt i get one of them :O haze i demand an invite
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Purplehaze

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2007, 10:35:58 pm »
Aha, I remember typing that.
Okay Sharsh, I'll send you one.
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Kunoichi

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2007, 10:39:02 pm »
Me too, me too!
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Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2007, 10:40:49 pm »
that was awesome.

This clan is so cool. I frame my invitation. Thanks.


faisal your invites got nothing on mine :O i got a hai nub wanna join V and 485k cred
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The MooSeR

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2007, 10:41:15 pm »
« Last Edit: November 01, 2007, 10:42:51 pm by Trauma »
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Kunoichi

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2007, 10:42:38 pm »
Blame Blaster for it.
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Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2007, 10:56:05 pm »
Quote from: Wander
P(membership) = ((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40) = 77.95   > 50

Afraid that only comes out to 50.725. BUT, still higher than 50 nonetheless!

Congratulations on achieving minimum membership probability status =D!

Swift

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2007, 11:33:08 pm »
Congratulations on achieving minimum membership probability status =D!

hmm isn't that P(0)?
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Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2007, 11:59:22 pm »
Minimum probability required for membership inquiry is 50. Means you have a 50% chance of being inducted.

Spoon

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #24 on: November 02, 2007, 02:02:56 am »
Quote from: Wander
P(membership) = ((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40) = 77.95   > 50

Afraid that only comes out to 50.725. BUT, still higher than 50 nonetheless!

Congratulations on achieving minimum membership probability status =D!

Perhaps it's the odd way of writing things that's confusing people, but Maths is supposedly the universal language.

((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40)
((324)  + (324)  +(225)  + (100) + (36) +  (50)  + (500)  + (   500    ))/ 40
2059 / 40
51.475

Is there a joke I missed or are people just incapable of basic maths?
Logged

Cloud

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #25 on: November 02, 2007, 02:36:24 am »
Quote from: Wander
P(membership) = ((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40) = 77.95   > 50

Afraid that only comes out to 50.725. BUT, still higher than 50 nonetheless!

Congratulations on achieving minimum membership probability status =D!

Perhaps it's the odd way of writing things that's confusing people, but Maths is supposedly the universal language.

((18^2)+(18^2)+(15^2)+(10^2)+(6^2)+(1*50)+(5*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40)
((324)  + (324)  +(225)  + (100) + (36) +  (50)  + (500)  + (   500    ))/ 40
2059 / 40
51.475

Is there a joke I missed or are people just incapable of basic maths?

Hmm..has the thought ever crossed your mind that they just made a simple mistake, you do know that happens. Besides, its pretty lame, you actually checking his math just to see if you can post a error.

Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #26 on: November 02, 2007, 03:12:01 am »
Woops, you're right Spoon. Don't know what happened, but at least my first number was a hell of a lot closer than 77.95 =P

Quote
Besides, its pretty lame, you actually checking his math just to see if you can post a error.

People do weird things with their time, like creating massive formulas for a LieroX clan. At any rate, it's safe to say you're all guilty for being here to read the extravagant shit I came up with. Keep it up and you guys might turn out like this guy for the rest of your lonely lives:


=,[

Cloud

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2007, 03:55:39 am »
People do weird things with their time, like creating massive formulas for a LieroX clan. At any rate, it's safe to say you're all guilty for being here to read the extravagant shit I came up with. Keep it up and you guys might turn out like this guy for the rest of your lonely lives:

Spectro there is a big difference between doing something funny and making people laugh (which you did) and going into extreme detail just to find something wrong, so he can point out the mistake and say "u lack ze math skillz0rs."

>--Faisal-->

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #28 on: November 02, 2007, 04:01:03 am »
that was awesome.

This clan is so cool. I frame my invitation. Thanks.


faisal your invites got nothing on mine :O i got a hai nub wanna join V and 485k cred

lol! They went professional on me.
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MissingNo.

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2007, 04:48:39 am »
I have a name for the equation...
"The Holy Scripture of Valor."

Hatten

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #30 on: November 02, 2007, 12:03:43 pm »
P(membership) = Possibility of becoming a (V) member
I = Intelligence of a prospective member [18]
Ma = Maturity and public composure of a prospective member [17]
T = Technological capability of a prospective member (can figure out how to use a forum board and use the damn edit button) [20]
Pwn = Amount of pwnage player achieves based on # of fair victories made in (V) servers (2 points awarded per win in Spectro's server) [0]
E = Entertainment factor provided by a prospective member in the form of wit and good jokes [10]
N = Number of mods/settings a prospective member shows exceptional abilities in [10]
S = Style points accredited to the player by a current (V) member(s) while in game [3]
A = Online activity and availability on an instant messenger or forum board by days on average [7]
Sx = Sexuality of a prospective member [40]

P(membership) must be greater than or equal to 50 to submit for membership when:

P(membership) = ((18^2)+(17^2)+(20^2)+(10^2)+(0^2)+(3*50)+(10*100)+((7+3)*50))/(40)=
P=((324)+(289)+(400)+(100)+(0)+(150)+(1000)+((10)*50))/(40)=
P=(324+289+400+100+0+150+1000+500)/40
P=2763/40=69,075
P=69,075>50


yay ^^
Logged
I don't do unintentionall mistakes.

[leke]GrassNinja

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #31 on: November 02, 2007, 12:55:19 pm »
P(membership) = Possibility of becoming a (V) member
Ma = Maturity and public composure of a prospective member [17]

ROLFMAO!!11+
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SteelSide

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #32 on: November 02, 2007, 01:41:02 pm »
Quote
Ma = Maturity and public composure of a prospective member [2]

Fixed.

:D
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Hatten

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #33 on: November 02, 2007, 03:05:22 pm »
It gets 61.95 if it's "fixed" >:D
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I don't do unintentionall mistakes.

Spoon

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #34 on: November 02, 2007, 05:31:54 pm »
People do weird things with their time, like creating massive formulas for a LieroX clan. At any rate, it's safe to say you're all guilty for being here to read the extravagant shit I came up with. Keep it up and you guys might turn out like this guy for the rest of your lonely lives:

Spectro there is a big difference between doing something funny and making people laugh (which you did) and going into extreme detail just to find something wrong, so he can point out the mistake and say "u lack ze math skillz0rs."



I only checked because the two numbers currently posted where so very different. When I realised that infact both were wrong, I found it quite funny and a bit interesting, I was curious to know whether your way of writing the mathematical notation on a computer was different to what I thought was common.

The reason I posted out all the steps was for the fine persons to keep up.

I didn't do it 'just so I could put you down', I did it out of intrigue. The ability to put you down comes from your inability, not my overzealousness.
Logged

Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #35 on: November 02, 2007, 11:30:02 pm »
I hereby approve of Spoon and his definitive terminology.

Spoon

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #36 on: November 03, 2007, 03:20:28 am »
Thank you Spectro, I will take your approval in great esteem.
Logged

Wander

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #37 on: November 03, 2007, 02:19:18 pm »
51.475*

Windows Calculator sucks at any maths more complicated than .34*2=.68,  so next time i'll use my sexy TI. Well thanks anyway :D


EDIT:
As it seems we're all into correcting eachothers mistakes anyway, i can't stay behind!!!1 :o
Actually, if you manage to get P(membership)=1, you're in. Any P above 1 is... I dunnow :-X

Gaston

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #38 on: November 03, 2007, 07:09:09 pm »
Nonono Wouter, (V) is making use of the superprobability theory, here you need to have a chance of 50000% to get in to ensure quality in the clan.
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Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #39 on: November 03, 2007, 07:11:32 pm »
Nonono Wouter, (V) is making use of the superprobability theory, here you need to have a chance of 50000% to get in to ensure quality in the clan.


Oh dear, someone discovered our secret!
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Purplehaze

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #40 on: November 03, 2007, 08:07:04 pm »


He wanted me to change his diapers :(
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MissingNo.

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #41 on: March 15, 2008, 01:17:48 am »
I was gonna say tl;dr but after all this time, I did it.
I got a 9. :<

Snap

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #42 on: March 15, 2008, 01:26:46 am »
thehehehhehe i beat vidar i got a 61


He wanted me to change his diapers :(
notice he asked to join v from prp when a 2nd prp was in the server (i got a good kick out of that)
« Last Edit: March 15, 2008, 07:06:50 pm by Snap »
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Evil AIM Man

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #43 on: March 17, 2008, 02:44:34 am »
HAHAHH 100% True to all clans, i been in plenty of clans in MMO's and that is true!

I am a newbie btw, ill take care of myself and join in a few months if im lucky =P
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Desmond

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Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #44 on: March 17, 2008, 06:07:10 am »
HAHAHH 100% True to all clans, i been in plenty of clans in MMO's and that is true!

I am a newbie btw, ill take care of myself and join in a few months if im lucky =P


I am not quite sure I understand that.

Anyway, I got asked 4 times today for people to join (V)...
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Shade

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #45 on: March 17, 2008, 01:33:35 pm »
Isn't that a bit much?
Like you guys aren't even good.

^^ lol
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Spectro

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #46 on: March 21, 2008, 08:42:54 pm »
About as good as it takes to 3 out you every time. Smell that? I think something's burning. =]

Oxygen

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #47 on: March 21, 2008, 08:58:23 pm »
Wait? What? I never got round to asking this? Are you sure? Wow, well there you go.

T'would seem to me that equation is only valid if the player is honest with modesty. So, are you gonna like check that the player has done it right and put in scores that you think are relative to player? Because I think Vidar was'nt very honest with his score. Thats way too high...
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MissingNo.

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #48 on: March 21, 2008, 09:34:53 pm »
Wait? What? I never got round to asking this? Are you sure? Wow, well there you go.

T'would seem to me that equation is only valid if the player is honest with modesty. So, are you gonna like check that the player has done it right and put in scores that you think are relative to player? Because I think Vidar was'nt very honest with his score. Thats way too high...
orly
N = Number of mods/settings a prospective member shows exceptional abilities in [1-10]
I gave myself a 1 in that when I did the equation.

Evil AIM Man

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #49 on: March 26, 2008, 05:13:41 am »
Pfft, what i said was about the first post. It is so true what he said about how clans in general work, I seen exactly what he said happen twice in two differant MMORPG's.

And i havent bothered asking to join =P Ima smart newbie =D
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Lodur

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #50 on: March 29, 2008, 10:22:22 pm »
Me r gud in muturs und teh trik or tretz mod and me r in ur clan naw :>
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When you reach max level you stop leveling

Oxygen

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #51 on: March 29, 2008, 10:35:35 pm »
Oh the IRONY!
Logged

Jeff

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #52 on: February 04, 2009, 06:37:54 am »
Intelligence=20 ( :-\)
Maturity=15 (I cut up when around Atum + Poom   :P)
Tech Capability=20 (Anything computers=i r plox)
(V) Server Pwnage=N/A (Haven't played in a (V) serv in forever)
Entertainment=15 (I guess you have to answer that your yourself)
Mod Plox=6 (whk4.0, 100lt, MURTS HAX, MSF II, Rifles, ff)
Style=10 (leon and i have fashion shows)
Sexual Orientation=40

71.25

this is a great system  ::)

edit: oshit gravedug just realized that
Logged

MissingNo.

Re: (V)onkey Business and Diapers
« Reply #53 on: February 04, 2009, 06:48:03 am »
Redid it for kicks and giggles.
I got 68.3
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anything